just in my dreams…
i have hundreds of writings, just for me not easy to translate them.
but i try to translate more and more and better and better, if you feel, like you would help with translation, or fix my mistakes, feel free to write to me…
and check back time to time, maybe you will found other writings here next time :)
that damn biology, that instinct, that desire, that damn lack of something, for something that shouldn’t have to be after every good thought and reasoning that’s why we’re all just simply animals there’s no free will here, just our illusion with our fucking consciousness
Time goes on, and I go in time. Things fade away, feelings change, faces appear and disappear, images run in the whirlpool of fate, illusions, blows, tired movements, misty drizzle, memories of passing… Desires awaken, narrow channels open in the stones of consciousness, the will moves, dreams die, the labyrinth turns, only helplessness remains from the past. Bloody words in silence. Unborn embraces preserve what survived the torment. I miss you today too. The invisible descent of cold drops, intangible thoughts. Who are we? What should we become? Where is the magic that would help? Tiny creatures in the infinite fabric of a labyrinth. Someone gave me food, then left, and now I’m hungry again. I screamed. Nothing. Maybe in
at the boundaries of where worlds shattered into nothingness. -Do I exist? Do I truly exist, my God? It was the whisper of the wind or perhaps a distant sigh. Words softly glistened in the mirror of dreams. Maybe voices from another world. -Do I exist? Why me? Why am I not asleep? Silence: I silently tiptoed through the grooves of light. Don’t speak. Words are unnecessary in dreams. Say it differently… Feel the slow meandering of thoughts. Know what you wanted to teach. Know the infinite with silence… … There’s no reason for reality, only existence. Unidirectional, behind the labyrinth of illusions. … Look at the silence and see with your memory… It still begins somewhere here in the
The night falls upon me, and I don’t know what to do with the feeling. Smoke rises slowly, and my heartbeat begins to pulsate in waves. Familiar objects surround me: table, walls, and myself, trapped like internal fog in a cigarette end. Silly analogies, as if it mattered how I try to describe the intangible. Questions, silence, memories reflected in fragments. I travel on the wings of moods, plunging into myself, like the paper falling from the fourth floor to the ground floor in the staircase. I don’t know where I lost the world. I sneak among silent flowers in the night, dew, mud, the city sleeps in sparkling neon stars on the curves of petals within me. As if
everything shatters. The knife of fatigue in every movement. Another street. I slowly lose connection with the body. Mist and night. The road turns into a journey. Lights flow into new images. Fear. Cracks in the tower of consciousness. Sinking. Pulsating, floating, beginning to exist in the distance. Dreams. Space becomes a strange tapestry. I hold onto the frayed rags of perception. Vibration against madness. Thoughts falling, crashing. Sentences crumble. Silence expands between words, filled with imagination. Still a stamp. We glide in the car. In the midst of familiar islands, a white night. Glimmering. Visions. A photograph drawn with hard, defined lines. Contours leap out, reality transforms into an animated film. I’m falling. Fluorescent curves accompany the rush. Deep
this is how the evening came a thousand dark dreams pour over you in the ever-deepening courtyard of time I write to you again I try to tell you the vision of rain dripping with countless soft patterings as drugs stretch the space I suffocate in the vortex of silence smoke awakens, rising in blue secrecy slipping slowly, turning into a swaying wall visions swim in the afternoon sunlight you lied about warmth beneath the ice who asked you to ignite my memories? you were a flower petal in the mist your cool dew gave me shivers let’s play the impossible a silver lake floats between the silenced trees I search for a path to the moon as you melted
I. (Lysergic Acid Diethylamide) II. The search for magic in our movements the explosion of reverence amidst the roots of the universe the word casts eternal circles a silent spark in the shards of a storm an arching ascent to the infinite in the flickering stillness of a fairy’s dream arriving in a quivering, fragrant drop of beauty III. In the suicidal whirlpool of expanding consciousness images repeat themselves in metallic sounds reaching out with a receding hand trembling through silver dripping on glittering mist waves flashing through shimmering angel wings perhaps this is hope to embrace the misty hideaway of an ancient forest gentling into blood-colored visions clarifying in the deep glow of night forgotten in floating dreams IV.
I. With light feet, spring amuses itself with bloody dreams Beetles shake off under the summer tree We fly away with them I roll it on the lakeshore and Beyond the great water… I’m still asleep In the crevices of a doubled consciousness Slow time disintegrates The pale light of the faded sun The atmosphere of old movies Neon was nowhere to be found Only distant Perhaps in an imaginary city Drums are floated in the descending gloom Thoughts wander in dense parallels with mist Timid butterflies gather beyond the borders of the light puddle Their fragile wings quiver together with the shadows Wings come to life With the eager tremble of silky rustle Darkness fills with sweet warm air
I string together words Dinner beneath the trees on the edge of town The last streetlight stretches its fingers before me Another burial today How far will you go, my friend? Star wounds across the heavens Bloody-footed gods’ thoughts on creation Dreams and love Long, long ago Between birth and tomorrow – lost company I dream of women in decay The seeds of madness are struck with every drop of sweat of a receding voice … mist swirling from the nostrils of cloud-bodied animals Soft footsteps on paper Illusions locked in images steam Another zoo And again, bars And the recurring blood of coagulated tiles on my skin Lost children bring food – will you play with us? I play.
We are small animals in the corridors of an endless labyrinth. We unintentionally stick to each other because we want to be so close that sometimes there is no space left. The illusion of freedom is in the rush, and the maze becomes almost infinite as the corridors open into each other. Like small animals, we long for the warmth of another body. We give each other food with a hug, and maybe your scent will soothe the fever. You think you’re free, but for a small animal, even a prison is a whole world. And when you reach a dead end and hit the wall, you fall into a corner and curl up. You’re alone and falling, and you