The night falls upon me, and I don’t know what to do with the feeling. Smoke rises slowly, and my heartbeat begins to pulsate in waves. Familiar objects surround me: table, walls, and myself, trapped like internal fog in a cigarette end. Silly analogies, as if it mattered how I try to describe the intangible. Questions, silence, memories reflected in fragments.
I travel on the wings of moods, plunging into myself, like the paper falling from the fourth floor to the ground floor in the staircase.
I don’t know where I lost the world. I sneak among silent flowers in the night, dew, mud, the city sleeps in sparkling neon stars on the curves of petals within me. As if I exist, images begin to fly, and among them, you pull me close as my eyes meet the light. I would dream of you, but trembling on the brink of dawn, you won’t allow it, and I continue to fall through lives, through floors. Then comes the absence, this damned inner solitude begins to tremble, and from the depths of my shivering skin, it longs for memories that never were. We were happy here. On the border between dreams and what could have been, you watched over me, and here I feel how you look at me, and I stand at the edge of my soul, my feet on the blade, nothingness to my left and nonexistence to my right, here, where everything ends before it begins, here you are pure, just like me.
I would bring you into reality, but you won’t allow it.
You curse me for bringing you over, and you cry as you reach the mirror.
Between us is the glass, you can’t see it, I helplessly ache on the other side, and I would be anything for you to see what a prison the shell you wove for yourself has become.
How long will you run away from yourself? How long will you trample upon what you can’t see? How long will you lie that you don’t feel me on the other side of the glass?
Yes, if you wish, I don’t exist, and like somewhere deep in your dream, as long as you’re awake, I only exist on the edge of your consciousness, like the stars in the sky, invisible in the sunlight. When will you believe that they don’t vanish at dawn and reappear in the evening, and that even though the sky’s colors change, and sometimes you can’t see them, the stars embrace this world.
You push me aside, run away, deny, and trample upon me, but if something hurts you, you would fall back to me, because you know, I’m always waiting.
You come, you stop, you get scared as you see yourself reflected in my eyes,
and you push me aside, run away, anything, just so you don’t have to admit
that it’s her face in my tears.
Unbelievable, isn’t it? Not perfect, and you get offended, and you run away,
Before you could even notice, crucified in my dreams, I hold you,as an angel at the edge of light.