this is how the evening came
a thousand dark dreams pour over you
in the ever-deepening courtyard of time
I write to you again
I try to tell you
the vision of rain dripping with countless soft
patterings
as drugs stretch the space
I suffocate in the vortex of silence
smoke awakens, rising in blue secrecy
slipping slowly, turning into a swaying wall
visions swim in the afternoon sunlight
you lied about warmth beneath the ice
who asked you to ignite my memories?
you were a flower petal in the mist
your cool dew gave me shivers
let’s play the impossible
a silver lake floats between the silenced trees
I search for a path to the moon
as you melted in the sky with the stars
God draws infinite patterns in scattered stars
creating worlds with a dose
this is our place in reality
we try to roll the infinite with trembling hands
into a few bits of tobacco
I dropped the dense time on a sugarcube
do you want to dream?
this is life
to fall silent in the heavy evening
who are you that I can never reach
even if I stretch across time
I tried to touch you
I became the night
I kept silent in the mirrors of stars
I became a poem and infinity
I dress up in the sky for you, I became a pine
its shadow bleeding in every winter
snow falls on me, a veil, and so
I wrap myself in madness
I howl for you, a concrete wolf set free
mad and wild
before the wilderness swallows me in a mirage
tell me, I am learning to pray
so that I could cry for you, if I could, if I knew how
why don’t you come, it’s getting chilly in the evening
I would stay as an image for you
if I believed it, if I could
I would keep for you a few colorful strokes
that remained from a fading dream
so you run through the branches in a flash
the imagination expands to death, shattered
with shattered feet
you are today in a thousand springs, the future
and you let me pass like a dry
crumbled leaf
the autumn grips with hard fingers
I am freezing, disappearing as if
I had never been crystals
petals’ breath-like mist on the window
I love you, nothing has happened
velvet doesn’t bury peace
it’s needed and yet it’s not, and yet it is
death?
as if I had lived
my memories rebel in hot waves
I remember and try to forget
you just dance in my pulsing veins
a fairy with tears of blood in your dream
feathers falling in soft arcs
never touching the ground
.
sometimes coming back
I could be a caress for you
your skin would shiver at my touch
in rain and wind caressing your face
.
be my flame, I’m always cold
be my joy, dream my dream
you are a fairy, and I love you
as if I still believed in the fairy tale
.
you grew up with me, as my consciousness expanded into nothingness
I called you in so many poems, the words leaving bloody wounds
heal, be my refuge, it hurts
as if you never lived, as if you never heard
.
You remained for me
And yet you are not
Like the truth in a fairy tale
Only your absence remains
And as I ponder, I get used to it
Like time in the rings of a drug that is sticky
Broken into fragments
I disappear without a trace because you don’t keep
My life in even a single smile
Fever
That’s all I was in a sad reality
I burn for what you could have been
And perhaps still do today
While I exist and wait for you, fairy
.
You were always there, and I yearned for you
Like the stars deeper than anything
Holding the night in their invisible embrace
That’s how I love you in clouds and flames
The glowing orbs of sweet chestnuts, your scent
That’s how I love you
In dreams, far away, pure
As only I can.
(What else can I do
But live like this, with you being what you are to me at night
Birds moving in the twilight
Their small feathered, warm bodies
My imagination’s fluttering wings
You, fairy, star flame
of the bitter reality, i will remember to you until
I can’t anymore,
and life with you just forgot)